Fan-fucking-tastic Day!

January 18th 2019

It took a minute. Okay, fine. It took 17 days but, I’m back! Wow, exclamation mark. We all have bad days, we have great days but THIS is different. Today…Where’s my dry erase board? Ah, there it is. Today, January 18th, honestly ahead of my subconscious schedule, I got a grip. My balls fell out of my vagina and, I’m a real man again.

No more worrying about other people’s brain damage and bullshit. No more, “My country’s soul and mine are one”. Today, I purposefully ate at the Chinese buffét and said, “You know what? I’m going to have anything and everything I want because TODAY, I am going on the Keto life plan, the Paleo life plan (same thing) and within 2 months, I’m going to be at my perfect weight (down 50 pounds). Yep. It’s gonna happen, just like that.

It’s like when you make that commitment not to cheat, to stop biting your fingernails, to write a novel, to become a network engineer, and you just fuckin’ DO IT! You know that you know. It’s going to happen. That’s what today is!! It’s already done.

I got online with my art teacher and we talked. It wasn’t like, “You’re paying me and I’m watching the clock”. It was like, “I can see the talent in your work and you are so close. You only lack patience and perseverance. Say this, ‘I acknowledge that one artwork is going to take me 50-60 hours to create as perfectly in fantasy realism as I want it to be’. Say it. Own it. Commit to it.” I did. Now, the question about how long is it going to take, doesn’t matter! It’s insignificant! The masterpiece can now come. It’s already in the works. I wasn’t going to repeat this but, she also said, “You’re going to become better than me, and that’s my goal.” All I felt was humility at the wisdom and beauty of this lovely young lady. Humbling, as the cage door flew open. I’ll go from never finishing a painting in 10 years to…You’ll see.

In the background, I just had to reach a point where I got sick of hearing my own bitching. I got embarrassed about looking like a pussy and trying to be a victim so people would give me sympathy. My talent couldn’t get me attention so, maybe acting like a victim would. Suddenly, I saw myself playing in my own shit while grown, adult, mature, masculine men were looking down on me like, “Dude. What the fuck is wrong with you? Man up. Stop being a baby.”

I got up, apologized, felt embarrassed and stopped acting like a victim. Now, EVERYTHING I want is totally mine. Mixed in with a little true love from a friend and, it all came into being. Watch what personal responsibility, wealth incentive and a desire for self-esteem can do.