So right now, as I type, it´s Sunday, August 13th 2023 near Orlando, Florida. Hello. Who the fuck are you reading about, and from whom? This is my story so, I’ll tell you a bit about the writer.
At 58, I look like a Florida cracker of Irish heritage who doesn’t shave his nuts (and does), who can´t figure out which box I bought for hair color last time. Was it number 5 or 6. In school, I was a copper penny rehead who hated it then and would shiv a bitch for it now.
I’ve always got this stupid southern christian smile plastered across my face and, like there was maybe one Scottish dick in the pile of dicks who made me over the centuries and still, damn it if I didn´t come out as ugly as Ed Sheeran – a cross between him and Robin Williams but, definitely no one you’d be sayin´ ¨Hell yeah! Can´t wait to stick my dick in that!¨. As a Scorpio sun, Sagittarius moon with Pisces Rising, I had whomever I wanted with a snap of my fingers, straight or not, married or not, and I had all the pretty white boys and Latinos a gay man could hope to brag about!
Age levels everyone out. There are few people who still think that old men are hot. Gross. I never did and I don’t now! Sexy is a soul power, dongfidence and closing the sale. ¨Say, got anything planned right now? Well, I’d love to lick your balls…¨, and off we go. It was great, and fun and nothing like the life I wanted!! I was one of those naturally masculine, hated sports, loved Jesus and convict dick. I’m a traditionalist whom, to this date has never once smoked pot or took any illegal drug but, I was a couple of drug dealer’s boyfriend. Finally, with all the seminary and bible thumping, I’m a dedicated powerful Astrologer who can tell you your sign in less than 3 minutes. Nothing do me but be born Cynderfella, the one who got popped by the first man he ever laid with (Danny Horsedick Hall) and never could keep a relationship more than overnight until I did, for 15 years with a Marine and now, for the last seven with this Irish guy.
To speed things up and God forbid, not risk telling anything too personal, let me just say that me and Paddy from Ireland married in 2016. I did everything right. I made a plan, saved a good bit of money and bought a house with 15% down. We worked on our careers and me, without a college degree, self-studied to become a network engineer. ¨Honey, I promise, if you have faith in us, we’ll double our income!¨. I doubled mine. He tripled his and we were doing everything right…and then.
Look, fuck you. I’ll say it first. I voted for Donald J. Trump both times he won. WTF was that COVID lie anyway? The vaccine was killing people and fools were begging for it. The thought of Joe Biden becoming President was laughable! Insurance policy. Patriotism. Changes at work with SDWAN. Had some liberal piece of shit screaming in my face at a Hobby Lobby about my Trump hat. There I was, the patriot, the cocksucker, the intelligent one, screaming back at this super hot gorgeous, fat crotch, big footed, footballer. I’d rather have fucked him than argued with him but the whole damn world was nuts! Little did I know, in a while, so was I.
At the time I had no idea what happened. All I knew was, there was a mistake at work. All the laptops looked exactly alike and one of the help desk techs had replaced mine with a new imaged unit. I grabbed it and like a firefighter, got in my car to the job site and, couldn’t do the job because none of my software was on the laptop. I had worked there 15 years and was known as reliable, smart and funny. It was a perfect storm and I got in some trouble with the first question anyone ever had over whether I knew what I was doing or not. Something happened. Something had been happening because of fear, rumblings about some new SDWAN technology that’s ¨changing everything!¨. I quit. I said, fuck you. I’ll say it first.
I remember the fear. It was as if a strong, fist clenching around my heart, a congestion made of anxiety would spring up out of nowhere and overwhelm me. It was government work and my clearance wouldn’t allow me to get treatment of any kind. That was February 2021 and I did what I always did. I handled it. The solution was to create a Home University, ¡Screw U! I called it. I needed to study SDWAN, python, CCNP (again) and a foreign language. I thought about French but, a gay guy speaking French was like choosing floristry or hair dresser. Nope. German? Damn, do they really sound like that in public? Spanish. Well, there are a few Spanish speakers buzzing around and, they say it’s easy. Me with foreign language? It might as well had been pussy. I just stared at it, not a clue what to do. Poke. poke. sniff. Ooh…no. Like a snail.

I remember the very second my eyes hit the website, Spanishdictionary.com WT living F is all this shit! I had started exactly at noon on Screw U’s campus of my kitchen table. The next time I looked at the clock, I was sure I had passed out. There was no way it was 8pm! It was 8pm and I felt sick and great at the same time. Just like my first gay experience at 9 years old when I convinced Jimmy that yes, being the patient meant he had to be totally naked and just lay there while I ¨fixed¨ him. I fixed him alright. I fixed that Irish boy until we were 13 and he moved. Anyway, just like back then I said, ¨It´s a fluke, a one off. That won’t ever happen again…Jesus.¨
After the third day and I hadn´t cracked up CCNP or any networking shit at all, I knew deep inside I had a problem.

Lockheed Martin called and hired me January 2022. I did manage to manage a bit and, I was now a LM employee! Yee Haw! For reasons I still can’t understand, I kept thinking, ¨I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to be here!¨. I was working on systems which existed nowhere else on planet Earth. There was no way to be perfect at them, but, I HAD to be perfect! That was what I promised them when they hired me, that I will do my best! I can’t talk about the job and it’s not because I’m nuts. I’m leaving that there. One day, I just couldn’t breathe. I quit.

I met a lot of people as I floundered my way, digging in deeper and deeper, earning MORE money each time I quit and fell into a new role. Pretty soon, I was chief network designer for a military security role that was just before NATO and Russia hooked up. I said, fuck this and walked out. I was a fake! I was a fraud! They didn’t know and any day someone was going to find out that I was a complete failure. I just beat them to it, that’s all.

My husband continued to work and support me, while I kept studying Spanish! He said things a mature, responsible, sane man should say. He said, ¨I love you and, you´re safe here, in your home, with me. You’ll going to come back and, you’ll find me right here, knowing that you would. We’ll figure it out.¨ I never cheated on this guy but, we had problems. We weren’t intimate anymore. I WANTED to cheat but, never did. The whole time, he just kept loving me. But what was with this Spanish thing? I mean, it had become 6 hours a day! All I thought about, talked about, wanted to know about was Spanish!

I started a vocabulary list as I learned how to learn. One word: Time, el tiempo. Spanish was so damn precise. It has 1,000,000 words which is twice that of English. Everything about it made sense whereas nothing about English ever made sense. It wasn’t stupid and made for stupid people like English was. English with it’s bandages of modals, phasals and nonsense. I listened to every babbled on YouTube and came across some desperate liars like that Steve Polyliar guy. Give me a break! Then, there were the dumbasses who said, «Comprehensible Input!». It didn’t take Google Bard for me to figure out that’s complete bullshit! How can you understand a language you don’t understand, to learn a language you don’t know? Oh, easy! Just buy MY course, and the follow the money bullshit detector screamed to life!

I discovered there are only three aspects to language: The sounds, represented by words. The verbal usage and idioms of the verbs. The grammar. I looked at a Spanish book and figured, since this is ALL the grammar then, I finish this book and that’s done. Plus, understanding grammar allows me to read. Then, the only thing remaining is in-context vocabulary. So my list of one word: time had a context called past, present, future and damn it! Those were words, too! In fact, there were so damn many words! Okay well, there’s the hour. Ah shit! hours have minutes, and minutes have seconds, and seconds have nanoseconds. Then, we go the other way and so many words!!
14,000 entries later, of ACTIVE in-context vocabulary, 27 months at 6 hours per day, every day…and I finally understand why. I’m going to Spain in 11 days and I’ll be there two weeks. During the last 27 months, I’ve allied myself with Spain, identify as Spanish, prefer Spaniard company and have helped three men save their own lives, families, careers and dreams with their own Cambridge English C1 goals. Two are Spaniards, one is from Peru. Now, I have a perfect Iberian Spanish accent with 95% comprehension and I have been reading at level C1 for a while.

No one can trust psychology today when we have people running around claiming men can cut their dicks off and become women. Please! Fucking insanity! However, before the world went nuts in 2021 and took me with it, there were articles I should have read about Impostor Syndrome. The immigration of my soul to Spain has also led to understand how America is killing values, killing workers and damaging good people permanently with it’s obsession and love of money. ¨Greed is good!¨says a nation which claims to be Christian and the love of money is the root of all evil. Someone´s full of shit! I´ve learned how life is supposed to be lived and money isn’t everything. I’ve learned about the true Great War between Individualism and Collectivism and how both are fucking nuts. The solutions, as always, are straight down the middle.

Wanna learn Spanish? I got a word list in context. No, this isn’t let’s play doctor, although you can show me yours if you want to. Just be gentle. I’m shy. Seriously, though. I am looking for a brother, a created relationship, not sexual. I am looking for a man who married, single, whatever, who wants to learn and live Ireland and Spain, who wants to speak the Iberian Spanish. I need a brother. I don’t have one. A true friend. Someone like me who is reliable, trustworthy, vulgar, a real pig…a real man. I don’t want to know more about repairing a car than you and if you wear a man bun, you’re gay so, stop lying about it! Espartacososegar@gmail.com