Circles have no Restarts, Only Jump-to-Next.

The end of January, thank God! It’s a disservice to present “bio-rhythms” as lines, having a beginning and end. They’re circles. Scorpio, the father of death and resurrection. We know a bit about circles and patterns fools call “stereotypes”. Allow me to diverge from my macro-point and display my humor about fools about stereotypes. I’m feeling very mean today.

Blacks represent 17% of the population in the United States and commit 60% of the crime. That’s a stereotype made of facts. Now watch. Whites who vehemently deny the stereotype won’t take an Interstate exit into an all Black neighborhood while denying the statistic. “You’re a bigot!”, is their defense while driving rapidly passed the exit. Take any and every such denial of stereotype and watch the full display of foolishness. You might hate whom you call ‘bigot’, but I’d hock a cyber-loogey and spit it on a hypocrite as “Lower than worm shit” and then cyber-slap it into their face. The mindless zombie Left isn’t to be pitied but, politically eliminate by facts.

“Trannies should be able to openly serve in the military.”. Why is that Bradley Manning? So they can betray our country? Inspire suicide among the ranks? Commit acts of violence against office staff? Sorry. I feel better now. Everyone assumes, because I’m a fag, that I’m some ultra-liberal mindless zombie like the rest. No, I’m awake. I saw what the Democrat Plantation owners did when they preferred gay-hating Muslims over the victims of Pulse Club Orlando. How Hillary had the murderers father on-stage with her during her campaign. I know what’s behind socialism.

Circles have no beginning and no end but they do have jump points. We can take a jump point with the same light switch intuition we use to move from room-to-room in the dark. “Feeling stuck”, “In a rut”, these are both expressions of realizing the circle has completed perhaps once too many times. It’s time for something new. Part of the problem is, we embrace certainty. What could be more certain than a path we travel over-and-over?

There’s a wonderful conversation to be heard in an audiobook from Gary John Bishop called, “UnFuck Yourself“. I highly recommend it. Now, Gary, being a nice guy, a European and a popular author will probably disavow, disagree and disdain everything I write. I don’t give a fuck. Truth is Truth just like Love is Love, any they’re still completely different. We need not agree to use each other. Get a copy of Gary’s book and learn how to break free of circles. His Scottish\Irish\English…what the fuck accent is that Gary, damn!, is very entertaining in its own right.



“Depression” isn’t about being sad. Knowing when to get help.

Life is like a room full of models made from past experiences, choices we’ve made, people we know, want or hate, as targets begging to bear blame. The fool blames many targets while the wise man blames nothing and no one. Blame is irrelevant. Blame is a waste of time in the form of judgement. Yes, we should judge ourselves but, to rescue honesty from the occult, not to blame.

A Capricorn will act like a Capricorn, and they can’t be blamed for doing so. They know little of faithfulness, everything about wealth, something about freedom, and a little about bondage. Saying that a Capricorn must behave and believe like a Leo would be insane. “Morality” therefore can’t be based on other’s templates, and thus choices, so long as the choices are inline with who they are. Personal morality and Social order are separate behavior constructs. Plus, when we consider the universal truth, that human “love” is based on the usefulness and fulfillment that the object of that love brings, and ends when it leaves, how fickle and perverse is the concept of human “love”?

You’ll notice this post is quite different from the rage, rant and humor on the posts preceding it: Deeper, introspective, philosophical, and perhaps more fatalistic. Truthfully? More suppressed. Why? Well, for weeks now, I’ve been becoming more chemically “depressed”. Yes, me. The Arch-Seraph \ Human Hybrid. I’m still unfortunately affected by biological chemistry. Depression is poorly understood and, in fact, “sadness” is only one of many possible symptoms. Depression does not mean sadness, and it irritates the fuck out of me when I tell people, “I’m Depressed”, and they say, “Ah, don’t be sad.”. I’m not sad, you dumbfuck meat sack, apes with clothes. I’m Depressed.

In my case, the symptoms are, mental blankness when queried on technical issues. That really sucks being that I’m an engineer who troubleshoots Information Technology. The most frustrating part of Depression is, being part meat sack. Also, when I relax, my mind goes completely blank. Sounds like a vacation, IF I didn’t have a slew of shit to control, whose controls fail when this happen. It’s not like I’m keeping 1/4 of hell restrained behind the gates by my Force of Will, or anything. Tee hee. So yes, there are sincere needs for me to get my Force of Will back to 100% for 100% of the time.

Another annoyance is my personal goals have stalled. Regaining physical strength, continuing my self-education, building my website, continuing to oil paint and, entertaining my husband have all fallen to zero. With five months until my move… and you can personalize all the “whan” to you own needs so, let me stop going on. There are simply times to admit and act. There are times when all-you-can-do is not enough so, you must reach out.

Being that I’m not a danger to my environment, job, self or any entity due to my depression, therapy is irrelevant and potentially distracting. I’m not “sad” but, I am becoming annoyed, confused, frustrated and blocked. An increasing amount of spiritual power is being engaged in keeping me emotionally stable. A doctor would be needed had I not already gone down this road in the passed and know which TYPE of antidepressant I need. That’s important for people to know because, Prozac can cure one person and make another far worse. Strattera can cure ADHD in adults and cause younger men to commit suicide. This isn’t a game. One thing on this planet which bares the complexity of The Creator’s fingerprint is the human or semi-human brain. Complicating the matter further is, you apes don’t really understand how brain chemistry works or why certain antidepressants work. Sweet.

It’s super important to keep a good blog or journal for yourself, when and if you experience “Depression”. A pattern will emerge and a record of reactions to treatment can help “Medical Professionals” (Goddamn, that’s hilarious) better point to the correct banana to prescribe. Nothing is more important in diagnosis than finding the correct class of drug, when drugs become necessary. One thing which becomes severely obvious in the case of serious shit, like bipolar or schizophrenia disorder: recreational drugs are the WORST idea. Why? Because they allow for something which is not allowed. When you ‘cheat’ on mental and spiritual conditions, there is a repercussion which makes a hangover look like flea bite. The Son of EL put it like this: “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first. That is the exact definition of someone trying to use pot, meth, booze, crack or amps to “cure” depression or, using the wrong meds.

It’s also very, very important to remember highly emotional times in your life according to WHEN they occurred. I flippantly jested about “January” in my previous posts. The truth of the matter is, my Mother died in January-February. My Aquarius lover dumped me in January-February. My 13-year long work contract ended in January-February…These and many more over the years. My body remembers the air pressure, the angle of the sun’s rays, the humidity and general atmosphere, the “season”, the similarity in other’s behavior, and thus, replicates my responses to them from historical data. Whether humans realize it or not, this is one of the main reasons Europeans moved the birth of The Son of El to December. Celebration would help ‘break’ the cycle of suicide and depression. Stupidly, the celebration is now being blamed for it but, that’s just more about apes trying to read a manual on atomic theory than truth.

My apologies to pure-humans. I’m not angry with you or hating you. I’m pissed off about my own “humanity”. Yuck. When Celestians ‘eat’, if you will, we get stronger, more powerful. When human eat too much, we get FAT. Aging is a bitch, too. I don’t speak against or undermine or disrespect the work of the one called “Jesus”. He’s my savior as well. Chew on that one! But, I can’t help but…uh…notice. He lived, as planned, to the exact moment of the end of youth, the moment exactly before he would have begun to age: 32.5 years. Kind of wonder how HE would have dealt with being stuck in this blood bag, this fucked up chemical soup, this — sorry, in a human body as it aged. Just wondering.

Happy Birthday Aquarius…You Bastard!

Apply this to YOU. I’m giving my 411 as an example. Scorpio sun, Sagittarian moon and Aquarius Rising. That’s me. See that last part? “Aquarius Rising”. Yuk! Play the hand you’re dealt. I got three cards, two best friends, and then this cunt. As such, Aquarius affects me greatly. Despite all the hoopla past these points (houses, aspects and OMG “Tarot” see: total bullshit), you don’t need to know more about astrology than your sun, moon, rising signs. Your Triquetra.

Today we enter the time slice of AQUARIUS,
January 20th – February 18th, Babylonian.
The focuses and influences of your experience during this time are about how you relate to Aquarius. For me, I’m in part made of Aquarius, thus the affect on me will be according to what I’m attached to this time. “Rising” sign, for a man can be thought of as your “erection” sign, tied to your emotions. I have a super-strong sexual compulsion to Aquarian men. I’ve allowed more abuse, neglect, sell-out and pleading over Aquarian cock than all other signs combined. We tolerate our own bullshit more than all others. Guess what? Scorpio – Aquarius suns? A match made it HELL! So why do it? Because “rising sign” forces and influences create animal sexuality. Maybe someone can fill me in on how women work because, I don’t know.

Very typical looking Aquarian male. Many have “pug noses” not represented here.

Aquarius males are spotted by their walk and run. Their heels bounce off the ground, in fact, rarely touching. They’re generally not attractive in the face which I attribute to physical signs of mental illness. They do have the most perfect, round muscular asses men can have. Other notable physical traits are caveman ham feet, cuts and bruises, thick lips and smooth skin, and generally, curly hair. Aquarians are subject to high cholesterol and blood issues. Don’t know why. As a result, they have “ball” or “bulbus” features, sometimes balls on the end of their nose, fingers, or toes. Not that you asked but, Aquarian males’ balls are low hangers to an extreme. They tend to have the definition of “medium size” in the penis. Their at their worst, when born with two recessive genes, like blonde hair and light colored eyes, Look out! That bitch be cray-cray! Aquarians are the world’s greatest kissers. I’ve openly advocated for Aquarians to set up kissing booths and charge $100 per 10 minute session. They can teach the world the proper use of a mouth. More intimately? They could charge $1000 and it’d be a deal. Just don’t fall in love with one! Christ!!

They have a body best represented as carvings in marble, and yet they’re rarely “beasts”, like Taurus. Aquarius would be the MMA fighter, not the boxer. In Fantasy fiction, Aquarius is the entertaining rogue, the singing thief and the last one you suspect is getting his dick wet every night, but does. Let me not mention sex again leaving it at this: Aquarius men are the best sex can get, and the experience is why, when they causally walk away, they leave broken, damaged wrecks in their wake. They have a gift of pleasure like no other, and pain. They are also unfortunately, the definition of split-personality when they get drunk or high. The most calm and gentle Aquarian male can be a violent rage when influenced by drugs and alcohol.

“Love ’em and Leave ’em”, is the very kindest way to say the mind-screwing torture from Aquarius. Only their victims insist on calling the experience “a relationship”. The strangest factor about them is, while it never lasts, while they never fully commit, and truly never fall in love, they are supremely monogamous. No anchor goes to the bottom from the Aquarius boat. Oh, and look at me! Going off on my personal tangent. Where does the time fly? Point being, expect these traits in yourself, influenced by this time slice during the sign of Aquarius, depending.

Aquarius vertical does have fantastic worthy traits, being 1/12 a slice of God’s own personality. Astrology is most powerful when single words are considered in meditation. January 20 – February 18th and YOU:
Aquarius = IDEALISM, DUALISM, BIPOLARISM, ART, METH, CONTRAST, REVOLUTION, LEAVING, INTENSE SEX\MASTURBATION.
Your experiences during the time of Aquarius, depending upon your connection to it will be, “Feminine seduction\Masculine taking”. A business deal or new business perhaps? “Physical perfection\mental illness” (or the inverse). Areas you need to improve and maximize? “Desire\Anger\High emotion towards why the human race can’t be more perfect”. Political ambitions? Desire to inspire revolution? “Change of Everything”. Time to move? “Seasons meanings are heightened, like a farmer feeling planting season”. In a nutshell? Aquarius = restlessness. Progress is an example of restlessness and the United States an example of rebellion and change. It’s not like Aquarius totally sucks. They love themselves enough to make up for any other’s disdain including my humble opinions.

As I have written previously, the calendar year should go back to starting on April 20th and fuck January 1st. Early January is shit for “New Beginnings” but the advent of Aquarius IS an exception, if you know how to use it. January 1st, still in Capricorn, the definition of unchanging, is why most of the New Year’s Resolutions don’t take. Do them in Aquarius and they can!

Fan-fucking-tastic Day!

January 18th 2019

It took a minute. Okay, fine. It took 17 days but, I’m back! Wow, exclamation mark. We all have bad days, we have great days but THIS is different. Today…Where’s my dry erase board? Ah, there it is. Today, January 18th, honestly ahead of my subconscious schedule, I got a grip. My balls fell out of my vagina and, I’m a real man again.

I hope my HOA fee covers “sudden appear of Cherry Trees”.

No more worrying about other people’s brain damage and bullshit. No more, “My country’s soul and mine are one”. Today, I purposefully ate at the Chinese buffét and said, “You know what? I’m going to have anything and everything I want because TODAY, I am going on the Keto life plan, the Paleo life plan (same thing) and within 2 months, I’m going to be at my perfect weight (down 50 pounds). Yep. It’s gonna happen, just like that.

It’s like when you make that commitment not to cheat, to stop biting your fingernails, to write a novel, to become a network engineer, and you just fuckin’ DO IT! You know that you know. It’s going to happen. That’s what today is!! It’s already done.

I got online with my art teacher and we talked. It wasn’t like, “You’re paying me and I’m watching the clock”. It was like, “I can see the talent in your work and you are so close. You only lack patience and perseverance. Say this, ‘I acknowledge that one artwork is going to take me 50-60 hours to create as perfectly in fantasy realism as I want it to be’. Say it. Own it. Commit to it.” I did. Now, the question about how long is it going to take, doesn’t matter! It’s insignificant! The masterpiece can now come. It’s already in the works. I wasn’t going to repeat this but, she also said, “You’re going to become better than me, and that’s my goal.” All I felt was humility at the wisdom and beauty of this lovely young lady. Humbling, as the cage door flew open. I’ll go from never finishing a painting in 10 years to…You’ll see.

June 29, 2010 – WKD – BADART: Comic/Actor Judah Friedlander shows off the collection of “bad art” in his Queens apartment – a unicorn mermaid and Bigfoot painted by Judah. A version appeared on 30 Rock. Credit: Evan Sung for The New York Times NYTCREDIT: Evan Sung for The New York Times

In the background, I just had to reach a point where I got sick of hearing my own bitching. I got embarrassed about looking like a pussy and trying to be a victim so people would give me sympathy. My talent couldn’t get me attention so, maybe acting like a victim would. Suddenly, I saw myself playing in my own shit while grown, adult, mature, masculine men were looking down on me like, “Dude. What the fuck is wrong with you? Man up. Stop being a baby.”

I got up, apologized, felt embarrassed and stopped acting like a victim. Now, EVERYTHING I want is totally mine. Mixed in with a little true love from a friend and, it all came into being. Watch what personal responsibility, wealth incentive and a desire for self-esteem can do.

January 17th – On the way down on the way up.

Let the motherfucker burn!

Before 2019, my head–Okay, backup. Before 2018, my head was buzzing, and not in a good way. My contract, after 13 years, was over. The new contractor was a silty, slimy, disgusting band of unethical business hacks. Proudly, I told them to take their 30% pay cut and shove it up their asses, having no job to go to. I did however, act on my faith and begin studying to become a network engineer. The transition nearly killed me.

That buzzing I referred to wasn’t pleasant. Something was medically wrong with me, perhaps completely stress induced, perhaps physiological. First of all, I sold myself into a position for which I was totally unqualified. The learning curve was straight up for at least another year of OJT. I’d wake up in the morning dizzy, feeling like my brain was suffocating. The dog walk was a bet on whether I’d pass out or not. My thyroid swelled and I began to vomit every day. Topping on the puke cake was, I fell in love with my boss uninvited, because he was kind and strong for me. He found out in an email which I accidentally sent to him. So, life during the entire year of 2018 was fucked up.

Exactly. So, while you’re here…this dick ain’t gonna suck itself!

2019 is not fucked up and perhaps this is why I’m having a difficult time getting “started”. PTSD? Liver cancer? No. I’ve simply awoke in a world which is no longer mine. “You’ve never sucked black dick before? Why? Are you a bigot?!”. “I think trannies should serve in the Marines, don’t you? No?! Why? Are you transphobic?”. “I don’t think we should ever allow a man to be President again. You’re gay. Don’t you agree? Don’t you wanna scoop your nuts out with a razor ice cream scooper and be a walking horror drag like Katelyn? No?! Why? Are you a homo homophobic bigoted nazi?!”. “You voted for Donald Trump?! You ARE a Nazi!! A gay Nazi, like Hitler!!”. I just don’t recognize this nation, America, anymore. My world was so very, very much better.

Beards are fucking disgusting and gross…

Beards are FUCKING DISGUSTING! Gillette has turned on normal men. The one thing everyone, EVERYONE is forgetting? We naturally masculine men STILL rule the entire world, by a long shot! Also, you put some millennial piece of shit emo next to a real man and ask everyone from faggot to super model, “Which one of these two do YOU want to know, date, marry?”, it’s a 10-0 naturally masculine male wins hands down!! So, I’m not crazy.

No. I’ve had to shake my head, blow my nose and make sure my dick didn’t transmute into a long clit but, no, I’m okay. 2019 is STILL the year of the man, the year of power, the year Lord Scorpius reconnects with His Throne. I look around me and, I see the young lady I’ve attracted to become my spiritual oil painting teacher. I see the young man who is quickly becoming my new best friend in Orlando. I see myself mixing tri-colors in oils and coming up with professional, beautiful, gorgeous mixes, one after another. The loudest minority can waltz left off into the abyss and I really don’t give a shit. I spent a year watching them in horror, at how foolish, ignorant, stupid and hypocritical they are, in stunned cringe. Today, I’m only concerned about me. Today, I’m okay. I walked through the valley of the shades of fools and arrived stirred but no longer shaken. Tomorrow is Friday, and a three-day weekend. It is already glorious and, I’m proud of my 8″ cock, still intact. Thank you GOD, Father of The Lord Jesus Christ. Suck it if you don’t love Jesus! I won’t give that up either. I’ll find my voice and realize: It was the loudest sound, the one still winning. The one which will always win. The voice of the self-made man.

Embrace the Suck. Let the Force Flow through you…

January 15th, halfway through the first month of 2019. Holy shit.

I admit, I let go. Slogging my way through Cisco’s CCNP Certification has been challenging. Some men do it the laid-back, 3-4 year plan. A cert exam once a year. Nice and easy. 90% of the rest, leaving the psychos out, take about two years. Life happens. The exams are very challenging, and increasingly so for version 3 from 2 and 2 from 1. Now, I face “Troubleshooting”, my personal nemesis.

Routing came easy to me. It’s “the big picture”, like me. I understand the history of humanity far better than I understand any one single individual human. Switch, was a bitch. Switching is 90% of mid-to-lower CCNP work, but, I didn’t get it. In some ways, Cisco Switching intimidates me. I can jump on a Brocade or Enterasys and get shit done. With Cisco, everything is a hierarchical cascade of Cisco IOSland. Being that everything, and I do mean “everything” ever invented or written about theoretical and application for switching and routing, including Switches and Routers, came from Cisco, I’m in the right place. Still, I’m not always picking up what Cisco is putting down. Cisco is a lifestyle and I haven’t yet “sold out” to it.

Troubleshooting is like Cisco’s God. Cisco is the Priest and has all the rules and yet, the Priest only glimpses at the vastness and power of its God. Troubleshooting is “MacGyver”. Troubleshooting is magic. It’s the familiarity so close to innateness that, those around you hear the 3 pieces of a 1,000 piece puzzle while you announce the picture the puzzle makes. Troubleshooting is the old Kung-Fu master kicking David Caradine’s ass, and mine.

All this said, it’s January 15th and it’s a Call To Action! Period. The time is now. I just signed up (again) with old faithful, the website of gurus where answers are formed and problems melt to become your skill set. I’ve been on Safaribooksonline since the beginning and now, it’s time to finish the textbook and take the TS 300-135 exam, within one month.

Career. Oil Painting. Spanish (re-learn). Wireshark. Linux. InfoBlox DDI. Somewhere among all this, I’m going to find time to fuck, make new friends, take my dog to the park regularly, row my new inflatable boat, oh and…plan on the NEXT certification path… Life can’t be like a huge 32oz Porterhouse you try and shove down your throat all at once. It’s meant to be cut up into bites, chewed, savored and maybe even re-seasoned to taste. Nothing “good” ever happens on its own. There are always forces and choices and the forces from choices. If we want “good”, we have to make good. Good forces and good choices. And then, hope like hell we were right. Oh yeah. I fell off my diet, too. Damn it. Keto…Take two. *Chop*.

Ah! Damn it! Almost forgot. Oil Painting Palette. Ten years in the making, knew that I wanted 12 colors. I’m also heavily into Astrology. Just could NOT surrender certain (I thought) mandatory colors. Tonight, after spending some time online with an educated, very polite, gregarious Russian girl, I’ve found my 12 permanent “Lord Scorpius’ Palette” colors:

Flake White mixed with Zinc white
Cadmium Yellow Light, Cadmium Yellow Medium, Burnt Umber
Pyrrole Red Light, Pyrrole Red Medium (Bright Red)
Alizarin Crimson, Dioxazine Violet
Cobalt Blue, UltraMarine, Thalo Teal
Thalo Yellow-Green, Olive Green

There they are: 1-12 perfection incarnate!

Droll Queer Waspish January

Maybe January is why no one ever sticks to their “New Year’s Resolutions”. January, petulant, qualmish and deterrent, seems to be offering chances or teasing improvements to which I just can’t catch a break. Sick with the flu but, got over it in 48 hours (that’s new!). Boss won’t talk to me. Is that good or bad? So here’s January, faggoty-ass label, “January”, probably French, just doesn’t inspire people-especially in Florida! Look! It’s 80 degrees today, and 35 degrees tonight and 45 in the morning and then, it rains!

January is like a break-up where, you fancy dumping your ex but, because there’s no one else and you’re horny, you run back. “Okay, one more fuck but, this is just sex, alright?”, you say into that hopeful performing face a porn director would love. You know leaving the old habit is the right move but, then it’s just you and your hand again. Now, the bitch is talking about you moving back in and you’re saying to yourself, “Why did I do it? Now, I gotta break it off again. But then, I’ll get horny tomorrow…ah, fuck.” That’s January.

What were my goals for 2019 again? Become a GOOD Magic-Realism oil painter and illustrate my novel. Re-write 665 The Council of Twelve online for totally free and exposure. Reduce my waist size from 38 to 32. Put my chest, arms and ass back on (at 54). Finish CCNP and start CCNP Security\Design (work stuff). Complete saving $50,000 for the new home in July. Pay off all the debt (no big deal). Achieve A+ credit (almost there). And then…relocate to a new city, get a better career, begin “owner\investor” savings plan, buy all new furniture, fall in love with my husband again and…there was something else…Oh yeah! Make at least 5 friends who’ll replace The Council family I’ve lost.

Gods damn it. At the pace I’m going right now, I think a software package would project me out to 2035! I have been painting more. I bought some Princeton brushes because they are the best. I’ve settled on a medium (liquin to 5% walnut oil). I’ve settled on a white – Flake white. Fuck the health concerns. I hate environmentalist anyway. Cancer is for young people. What else? I’m gearing up to take the final exam for CCNP. I’ll pass. A good rape scene would cheer me up but, again, the problem with getting raped is the rapist. Who’d wanna fuck him? YUCK! Maybe I should book a flight to Norway or Scotland and hang out in the rape district. What is on pornhub right now anyway…?